


Un Fantasma Tra Noi

by VampireDoll



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Dark!Jasper, F/M, Ghost!Bella, Jasper Kind of Has Multiple Personalities, Kinda, Really Not Kidding About Those Tags, So many flashbacks, Themes of Reincarnation, it all works out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 22:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13222812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireDoll/pseuds/VampireDoll
Summary: Jasper's past refuses to die, and it won't be the only thing haunting him. References to gore, murder, and other graphic things but is also incredibly sentimental. Repost from old FF account.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all. I'm sure Twilight is incredibly passe now, but I got into writing a different fic and mistakenly believed it to be my first before I remember this work. This one, is in fact, my first fanfic ever and I'm still pretty happy with it. As such, it's been given a minor touch up and reposted. Please pay attention to the warnings, and if you have any questions please feel free to contact me and I will advise you.

_Blood. I needed blood._

_I'd fed, of course. It wasn't just the literal blood that I craved. Venom would do. Devastation of those who opposed me; that, too would suffice._

_It was agony that I truly craved._

_I'd had that, too._

_I struck the match on my stonelike face, roughened with scars invisible to the human eye, staring back at my disturbed troop with a satisfied smirk before throwing it onto the pile. The firelight was almost blinding._

Sunrise snapped me out of it, my flashback-addled brain briefly mistaking the fiery hues for the bonfire that I'd somehow let my mind wander far enough to remember.

Still on edge, my heightened senses searched for signs of my coven: for signs of the present.

"Are we seriously still doing this? Can't we just pretend we're homeschooled or something? This is bullshit."

"Emmett, you know better. "

The Cullens. My adopted 'family'. I hoped Edward hadn't caught my thoughts. Not that he hadn't already seen enough.

"Maybe you could join the football team." I could practically hear the crooked smirk in said telepath's voice.

"Yeah, sure. I already get accused of using steroids. Seriously, I'm sick of hanging around kids all day just to look a little more normal. It's not working."

"It's not for you, idiot," There it was. Rosalie made some attempt at a whisper, but it didn't do much good when I could hear even the slight thud of her elbow meeting his side, "it's to help-"

"Everyone." Esme chimed in softly, but with enough of her quiet strength to break up the argument, "it's to help everyone get used to being around people."

She must have realized I was listening. It was impossible to tell by looking at them, and I wasn't about to risk having to share too much of my own story by asking, but I believed Esme had been the oldest when she was made into a vampire. She was probably the most considerate; maybe even more so than Carlisle, and it showed even the way she referred to the humans as people. Though all vampires' minds worked faster and more efficiently than they had when they were human, the immaturity of the younger Cullens had stayed with them. Frozen in time as teenagers, no matter how long they lived or how noble their lifestyle was. The brain, after all is as physical as any other part of the body. I knew that especially well. I'd seen the human brain many times, as just another organ strewn across the floor. Collateral damage.

I had been stuck, too. Constantly in a state of war; battle-ready. That was why the humans bothered me despite my not being the youngest of the Cullen 'children'. My mind was frozen as a war general's, a particuarly brutal one at that. A monster.

Edward liked that term to refer to himself, but there wasn't anything I wouldn't give to have nothing but the souls of murders and rapists on my conscience. It was no wonder he didn't like being around me, hearing my thoughts. I didn't have a good memory to my name. Not one that wasn't stained with blood.

But Esme came close. Esme reminded me of my own mother, though I think anyone who'd had a decent one would say the same.

_"Wise beyond your years, I don't know what's made you so very serious…you're so mature, Jasper, really…"_

Word's they'd both said, though Esme's reprise had lacked the sorrowful undertones in my mother's statement.

_"I can't believe this is happening…you're already a man, though I wish you'd stayed my child for just a little longer…"_

It felt like I was hearing things. Things I wanted to hear even less than the sympathy of my adopted family.

_"Just come back to me…just as you are now. Promise me, Jasper."_

I only nodded. Even then, I hadn't spoken much. I was often told I never showed my emotions; ironic, now but not then.

_My silence didn't seem to trouble her, though I'm not sure anything could have made her any more upset than she already was. She hugged me, grabbing the worn material of my second hand uniform and adding tear stains to the fabric's abuse. I let her for what seemed to me to be a long time, but I had another goodbye to say, one somehow even more important than my mother's._

I couldn't help but agree with Emmett. Although I did have an easier time suppressing my instincts around humans since attending school, it seemed to be the riskiest environment for building my tolerance.

_"I believe in you, Jasper. You'll do the right thing."_

It didn't help that the students were agitated today. Aside from the physical effect it had on the pulse, heightened emotions affected me differently than they did the others.

"Maybe we should have stayed home today." Edward sounded serious. I didn't appreciate the monitoring of my thoughts, but he was right, obviously sensing that I was in a bad place today. That my memories were bothering me more than usual and had been all night. I don't know why he didn't say anything earlier.

Worse, Alice looked worried.

Usually, my decent respect for humans and my vows not to let myself devolve back into a killer were enough to help me keep my urges in check. Unlike Edward seemed to, I didn't look down my nose at them. These ones, especially, were only kids. It didn't sit right with me when he complained about them being immature or vapid when they were a fraction of his age. He could be a real ass sometimes.

Though, maybe, respect was the wrong word. But whatever it was, it was a principle that had been instilled in me long ago, one I had disregarded for a very long time. My mother may have called it chivalry. I don't remember what I thought of it as, but I was determined not to forget again.

_"Maybe if we put it back in the nest, the mama bird will find it and take care of it again." My little sister pointed to the structure in the tree with her free hand; her other was cradling the impossibly small egg she'd found on the ground, miraculously intact._

_I watched her strain to reach it, tiny fingers stretching as far as they could as if they'd make any difference. "I can't reach!"_

_I don't remember how old I was exactly, but she could not have been more than six. I wasn't much older but I was already stronger and taller than the rest of our friends. I sighed but I plucked the egg from her hand. I thought I was gentle, but as soon as it left her grasp and reached mine the shell shattered as if I'd been making every effort to crush it. Her eyes, the same color as the robin egg I'd broken, widened and she ran back towards our house as quickly as her short legs would allow. Her wailing echoed through the trees. I'll never forget the look on her face._

By the time the school bell pierced my thoughts, Edward's expression had relaxed.

"I...think it's going to be alright," Alice exchanged her pensive expression for a smile as she tangled her small, nimble fingers in Edward's hair. He sighed, relaxing and closing his eyes for a moment.

Emmett reminded me which class that the bell was signaling for us to go to and we pretended to head that way until we were out of Rosalie's sight. Instead, we wandered the campus lazily and easily avoided any questioning humans.

"We should have made our whole schedule up this way," Emmett grinned, "just show up for lunch every day you know? We could have probably gone to get some real lunch while the others read Little Women for the billionth time."

I smirked, amused at Emmett's choice of books to reference even though the concept of a 'real lunch' was troubling me now. A small, burning voice in the back of my head wanted to remind me what a real meal was.

_Blood. I needed blood._

I shook my head. It was a good thing Edward wasn't around. Instead, I tried to focus on Emmett's good natured ramblings as gory memories tried their best to get my attention again.

The memories, Emmett's words, or anything else didn't stand a chance. We'd turned a corner when I detected it. A faint trace of scent, a trail that was fortunately too cold for me to come unhinged and follow; to become a force too fast and too experienced a murderer for any of the Cullen children to stop. Instead, I grappled with myself and froze on the spot. Emmett questioned me and even grabbed my shoulder but I couldn't tell what he was saying.

"I have to leave."

**Bella's POV**

I managed to find an excuse to leave class early. As I walked towards the parking lot, it felt as if a great burden had been lifted from me and I found myself half heartedly kicking at shallow puddles and breathing in the unfamiliar air despite the fact I'd be coming right back to this place in less than 24 hours. Even so, school had been long and anxious and any day but the first day as the new student would have to be easier, at least at Forks High other students stared and whispered, but nobody really spoke to me other than a few catcalls and similarly lewd verbal gestures. But even that wasn't exactly flattering. I felt like they were making fun of me. I felt awkward and foreign. Unwelcome.

I tried to reassure myself that I was just being paranoid as I got into my little, red truck. After all, the stares had not been hostile but the lack of interaction reminded me of my stepfather. I sighed, feeling the stress creep back up on me as I climbed into the truck and memories of my former home life climbed into my mind. He'd ignored me, unless he had reason to belittle me. I felt like a ghost in my own home: when I walked into the room he would act as if I wasn't there; he wouldn't tell me of their plans or invite me to family celebrations; when I spoke to him, tried to make small talk, he'd neglect to answer me at all. Worse still, my mother never seemed to notice that he was driving a wedge between us. He was always over her shoulder, having to know everything we spoke of. Still, she was happy and I knew he wouldn't mistreat her. So when the cold became too much for me to handle, I decided to come live with my father.

Yes, maybe I was paranoid. Maybe I'd make friends soon, once the other students realized I wasn't unapproachable. I'd just have to reach out more, stop being so introverted. Maybe the only coldness I'd have to deal with here was the weather.

I would miss the desert, at least…on my last day in Phoenix, I stood on the balcony of our apartment and admired the wilds behind the complex for a long time. All the plants were bathed in light and they were so colorful…purple sage dotted the landscape, the cacti had sprouted bright pink and yellow flowers, and the trees had offered their dainty white blossoms in return for the golden sunlight. A Creosote shrub had released its rainy fragrance into the air, reminding me of the short but intense monsoon season that I used to look forward to.

Now it had rained every day I'd been here in weak, freezing little bursts. The most colorful thing I'd seen all day was the car parking lot. I'd stared at the last desert sunset I'd seen, hoping the pink, gold, and orange burst would burn its image into my mind but the gray and green atmosphere of Forks had already muddled the picture in my memories.

'I should be happy.' I thought, 'Charlie is caring…and Forks is kind of beautiful…it's the forest after all.' Fairy tales took place in the forest. Even in Arizona, I'd never heard a magical story about the desert, save one…

But it was getting to me, the dreariness of Forks. I hadn't always been this way, thinking the worst of myself and others. Repeated rejection, ever perceived, and this gloomy atmosphere was taking its toll. Some part of me had even become fascinated with death, returning over and over again to the darkest and saddest books in my collection. In a way, I was ashamed of myself, but...

I jumped slightly in the seat as a flash of white and gold suddenly caught my attention from across the parking lot. I looked over, finding myself flooded with some strange sense of hope, of longing, of...things I couldn't place.

It was a young man, and to me he looked to be crafted from light; a fallen star. His stark white skin seemed to glow through the light fog settling above the pavement and he stopped for a moment with a sudden, almost unnatural jerk. He had a pained expression, undertones of anger evident in his handsome face and I swear his irises were golden as his gaze fell on me. I looked straight back at him, if only because I was stunned. I felt hypnotized as I stared into his gradually darkening eyes, and I both wanted to start the car and drive away quickly and to get out, to run towards him as fast as I could. Before I could do either, he turned and stole into the trees just off campus.

It took me a long moment to regain my composure, but eventually I started the car and avoided the rush. I wasn't sure how to feel as I drove home on the lonely, muggy back road. I wondered if I'd even seen what I had, if that man was really just another student who'd happened to be standing in a ray of sunlight I hadn't noticed, further highlighted by the dreamy state I'd been in at the time. Maybe I'd seen an apparition, or something else that was otherworldly. That's certainly how I felt, but bitter skepticism tainted my thoughts. The strange hope I'd experienced before was being washed away by the drizzle on my windshield, reminding me of the gloomy place I lived in now.

Charlie wasn't home yet. I wasn't sure if I was glad about that or not, but I stepped out of the car and dashed into the empty house as if I could escape feeling the chill of the air. I should have gotten a head start on my schoolwork or cleaned up around the house. All I could think about was that man. If only that hadn't been the only truly interesting thing to happen to me at school, the only thing I could focus on. I started dinner and went up to my room.

'Maybe somebody else has seen something similar…' I sat down at the computer, intent on finding a clue.


	2. Chapter Two

**Jasper's POV**

Branches and shrubs cracked under my feet like bones as I tore through the trees, trying to escape that scent and the memories it tried to drag in with it. I must have been miles away, but it was doing as much good as running towards the girl would have done. The familiar and sweet scent scorched my throat, intoxicating me and driving me insane at the same time. his couldn't be happening. It was impossible. She even looked the same.

" _I wondered if you'd come to say goodbye to me, too…" Her dark eyes shone, even in the darkness. I'd never seen her cry before._

" _You shouldn't have." I approached the porch, but I did not take the steps. I wanted more than anything to be closer to her, but it would already look strange to any observers that I was here, at a young woman's house without so much as having called on her formally. I knew her family was inside, too, and they'd be suspicious. Things were different then._

_She didn't care; she rushed down to me, grabbing my uniform and clinging to my chest. I didn't need any further invitation. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me. She felt so small and fragile, shaking as she suppressed her cries._

" _Please don't go."_

I needed to get back to the Cullen house. Now.

" _It's alright…" I couldn't tell if she was older or younger than me, she looked to be my sister's age but she carried herself like a young lady. She drew a kerchief from her apron and wiped the yolk and the shelf fragments from my hand, "I saw from the woods…it was an accident." She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen._

I could see it in the distance, through the leaves and the moisture in the air. Esme was standing in the yard, I could sense her concern even at this distance.

" _Jasper…" She reached up and touched my cold, unyielding face. Her eyes, wide with concern and shock, were even more brilliant now that my vision was increased tenfold. Now that she was prey, "what's happened to you…?"_

I almost veered away, turned around and chased after her but Carlisle was behind me in a flash.

Esme ran towards us, and while they wouldn't have been enough to stop me, it was enough to bring me to my senses.

Surprisingly, the rest of the family didn't rush home from school. We waited for them in the living room, though I was thinking about bailing before they came back. This didn't look so bad right now; I had come home when I felt I couldn't handle myself, showed self control. Carlisle and Esme both seemed proud, but shaken. It was definitely a close call.

It was going to be a different story when the others came home. If they didn't already know somehow, Edward would read my thoughts. He'd realize that the girl saw me, maybe even saw me move too fast to be a human. More so, he'd realize I was going insane.

"You don't have to go back yet," Esme said soothingly as she sat down in the chair across from me. I was grateful for the space.

I nodded. I almost told her that the circumstances weren't normal, that if that girl hadn't shown up, I'd have been fine.

"Was there anything in particular that gave you trouble?" Carlisle was still standing behind me, but he was giving me space too. He sounded compassionate, as he usually did, but I still hesitated to say anything. I wasn't ashamed, but it was strange for me to explain myself. I never was much one for words or expression and I was getting uncomfortable, but I decided not saying anything at all would just make them more insistent. I sighed.

I used my ability to show them how I'd felt when I caught her scent this time. How I'd never wanted anything more. I wasn't going to tell him that I had experienced this before. I definitely wasn't going to tell him what happened then. If anyone would understand, it would be Carlisle, but reliving that memory would push me over the edge. I'd repressed it, along with many others, and unleashing it would in turn release Major Whitlock. I instantly shook the thought.

"Oh." Carlisle looked surprised once I let go of his emotions, which was rare for him. He exchanged a concerned glance with his wife, their eyes returning to gold now that I wasn't showing them my near-frenzied state of mind.

"What?"

"Carlisle thinks you may have found…well, we call it  _La Tua Cantante_. I guess it doesn't happen often enough to have a proper term."

"That doesn't explain much."

"I'm not positive that's what it was, Esme. It'd be nearly impossible, if not outright so, for him to control himself if that were the case." He looked annoyed at himself, "I don't mean you personally, Jasper. I meant anyone."

"I can't say I understand."

"It's not unheard of, Carlisle." She gave him a meaningful look before looking over at me again, " _La Tua Cantante—_ your 'singer'—it means a human who smells particularly wonderful to a certain vampire, irresistible even."

I actually thought I'd heard of something like that before. I hadn't thought about it being the case with me, though. I only thought that her scent was so amazing to me because of how I'd felt for her.

"It's probably a simple case of chemistry." Carlisle clarified, "but this is a very serious issue. We can't risk—"

"I'll find some way to deal with it." I got up; despite the tug of emotion I felt from Esme, and headed upstairs.

* * *

 

I'm not sure why I still played chess. Occasionally, I'd use a chessboard to help me think of strategies for combat. It wasn't exactly the best way to stop thinking about the past.

I was playing both sides this time. White always moved first.

_His newborn army rushed at us from across the field, impossibly fast and ravenous. Their eyes reflected the flames all around us, highlighting their insanity. I smirked at the fear emanating from both sides; I was long immune to that feeling._

I pushed a black knight into position.

_The head of the attack didn't expect me to come at him from the side. I felt horror dawn on him only when it was too late. I'd leaped over his defenses and my hand was already around his neck, followed soon by my teeth._

_Venom rushed through my mouth as I tore his throat from his neck, flinging the flammable liquid everywhere. Even the crazed newborns were stunned by my savagery as I tore him to pieces. They probably hadn't known that they still had some hint of their human organs left; stone, petrified but still there. His were everywhere._

_By the time I was finished, there was no need to burn his remains._

Black had won.

"Holy shit." Emmett exclaimed from the doorway, "you look awful, man."

"Thanks." I smirked, already knowing what he meant. My eyes were probably darker than he'd never seen them, and the marks under my eyes probably gave some hint to how much of a monster I really was now.

"So, uh." I liked Emmett because he wasn't too sentimental, but I could tell by his awkwardness that this was going to be some form of 'heart-to-heart'. He sat down across from me, putting the chess pieces back into place so he could play, "Carlisle and Esme are…you know, worried. Because of the singing thing."

"Yeah." I couldn't imagine why they sent Emmett to talk about this, though 'the singing thing' got an involuntary chuckle out of me.

"I just figured I should let you know that…you know, I know what that's like." His brow furrowed for a moment as he thought of the best move for a white rook, carefully picking it up and putting it into place.

"It happened to you?" I absentmindedly pushed a piece in return.

"Yeah. Twice, actually."

I watched him. That was another thing I liked about Emmett, my expression, or lack of it, didn't both him. I seemed cold and intimidating to most vampires and not just because of the scars, but Emmett didn't seem to notice. I wasn't going to ask him to tell me anything else, but I knew he was going to so I waited.

"I killed them both. Well…her." He sighed and sat back in his chair, "you're going to think I'm batshit crazy but she was exactly the same both times."

Remorse, hunger, confusion, exhilaration. I could read the emotions pouring from his memories, but apparently he hadn't been in love with her. Apparently, I just had the worst damn luck.

"No. I don't." I told him, calming him, but his eyes grew darker, "we'd better get something to eat."

**Bella's POV**

_The sand felt warm and soft as I walked untiringly through the long expanse of desert. I'd been walking for days, but I wasn't thirsty or aching; just... lonely. There were no beautiful plants here, no exotic looking wildlife, but I knew everything would be alright soon as I walked towards the setting sun. Rays of dying color bid farewell to me as the sky darkened into the deepest velvet blue, but I could still see a dot of incredibly bright light at the base of a far off mountain. I hadn't seen that before..._

_That wasn't what I came here for…I'd been looking for something else, but this bright golden-white aura distracted me and I drew closer, hypnotized. At this distance, he looked like a fallen star and despite being miles away I reached out to him gingerly._

_The halo of light suddenly turned into a dark, blood red flame. He was coming at me, too fast and too strong and I was terrified._

I woke with a start, confused at the sudden appearance of the ceiling above me. I sat up, taking a moment to realize where I was. Forks. Charlie's home. My new bedroom. I wrapped my arms around myself...I was safe.


	3. Chapter Three

**Jasper's POV**

' _What the hell am I doing?'_

My next trip through the woods that day was much less destructive. If I enjoyed anything about Forks in particular, it was these woods. The trees gave a sense of seclusion. Even with all of the things I could hear for miles around, the darkness of the night and the cover of the trees made it seem far away. Too bad my intentions weren't so tranquil.

We had passed Chief Swan's house once or twice, but I don't think I had seen him before that. I remembered Carlisle saying he was a good man. Too bad I wasn't.

_I knew it was wrong._

' _I love her.' I told myself, 'I won't hurt her.'_

_I'd gorged myself on enemy soldiers, but I knew I was as dangerous as ever. I was too strong. I couldn't control myself. I killed nearly everything I saw. What the hell had those women turned me into?_

_I still couldn't stay away from her. I needed her and I still remembered that once, she needed me. She asked me to come back, and that's what I was going to do._

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I wanted to see her again. I had told Emmett I just needed awhile to cool off. Both of us were sated and content on predator blood, so he hadn't asked any questions.

' _You're not content,'_  a voice, growing stronger from the back of my head, reminded me,  _'animal blood isn't enough for us.'_

I ignored it, or pretended to. I couldn't let my hunger distract me. This was already dangerous enough. I could already detect her beautiful scent. It was floral, I think, but I didn't know enough about flowers to compare it to any particular one. There was warmth to it, too. I could tell she was from the desert. I'd spent enough time there to know.

I was so lost in her scent I didn't realize how close to the house I was. One last light in the house shone through a large window on the first floor and I could see a figure, too large to be my target, moving around. I'm not sure how much time passed, but I occupied myself with listening for her. Her breathing was soft, steady with the occasional stir. She was probably sleeping—dreaming, too.

Her gasp, quiet as it was, seemed to shatter the still of the night and I almost rushed up and broke into her window. The light flickering off brought me down to earth and I stepped further back into the woods, sending waves of calm towards her room.

I should have sent them throughout the house, because the glass door leading into the back door opened. I'd set off someone's instincts; a man that could only be her father stepped onto the patio and eyed the woods suspiciously. I could tell by the long sweep he took of the area that his nagging feeling was only that and he hadn't actually seen me. I wished I hadn't seen him.

It was probably coincidence. Of course, he was related to her. It could have been genetics and my bad luck but he looked way too much like…

" _Get the hell away from her, demon." Her brother was brave, but he was no soldier. The gun in his hand visibly shook as he leveled it at me._

" _Don't!" She held onto me and looked imploringly at her brother, "he's not—"_

" _Get in the house!" He shouted and he reached for her, grabbed her wrist, and tried to yank her from me. The last mistake he'd ever make, at least in this life._

_A part of me wanted to think I was being gentle, even with my new strength, but I can't say I wasn't enraged._

' _Mine.' A dark voice in my head growled as I grabbed his head to push him away. His skull shattered under my fingers, not unlike the egg shell I'd broken more than a decade ago. Blood and grey matter poured down my hand in what should have been a sickening, dark gush. I could practically feel my eyes turning black as I heard her fall to the ground behind me, unable to scream._

Remorse flooded my mind, but not as strongly as it should have. Anger, calculation, rivalry….those were predominant as I watched him look for me. Finally, he gave up. I could hear him mumbling to himself that he must be losing his mind as he headed inside. I waited for him to settle in, for his breathing to turn steady and deep.

' _What are you going to do once he's asleep?'_ That voice taunted me again, stronger than before _, 'are you going to break in? What are you going to do to **her**?'_

Before I had time to suppress the dark urges the voice was putting into my head, the glass door opened again.

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't go back to sleep, no matter how much I tried. I stared at the ceiling, vaguely lit with the foggy gray-blue moonlight outside and I reminded myself I had school tomorrow, but that only made me more restless. That dream…it seemed symbolic…but that was ridiculous. As much as I'd have liked to believe in such things, the dreary fog of reality that hung over Forks smothered any fanciful notions I may have had. I told myself that I was only still occupied about that man I'd seen. Naturally, I'd found nothing in my research. Nothing useful, at least; more than one forum post from people who could barely contain themselves describing similar beings, but…

**_Anonymous 11/30/11(Wed)10:18 No.9058126_ **

_I was in the hospital for something and it was really, really late but I was still awake. I got up and opened the curtains and that's when I saw her. I haven't ever seen anything so beautiful or so terrifying. She was lurking near the parking lot. Her skin was so white, like a marble statue and she had this long, dark hair that curled gracefully all down her back. She was dressed in black, modern clothing but there was no way she was human: because she looked straight at me right then. Even though she was far away I could tell her eyes were blood red._

I'd stopped reading at that point. So close…but the man I'd seen had beautiful golden eyes.

Fresh air. Maybe that would help. If anything could lull me to sleep, it would be Forks itself. I pulled on a jacket and slowly opened the door, I hadn't taken note before if it creaked or not, and cautiously descended the stairs.

The living room was almost intimidating. The tall, unfamiliar, dark shapes looming everywhere made me want to turn back and go to bed. But again, that was silly…and once Charlie's quiet snores broke the silence, I smiled a little. He really was a sweetheart in a quiet, reserved way. Even if I didn't like Forks itself much, it was kind of him to let me come here and stay with him. I resolved to find some way to pay him back soon. I crept over to the glass door and slowly slid it to the side, shivering at the touch of the cold metal as I stepped into the back yard.

The sky was much clearer in Arizona, but the humid air did give the stars a lovely blur. They looked like orbs, spirits even, rather than the bright, delicate pinpricks of light I was used to. I wanted to see the moon, but the trees were obscuring my view. I walked further into the yard, ignoring the cold, wet brush of the grass on my bare feet.

I froze. From the corner of my eye, I could see something bright, humanoid, and tall looking in my direction. It looked like a ghost.

' _You're dreaming again, Bella…_ ' I tried to reassure myself as he walked closer, his strides silent but powerful and by the time I'd turned my head to look, he was towering over me. His yellow eyes were piercing in the dark, and I couldn't read his expression. He looked cold, and I could practically feel chill radiating from him. Ironic that he had looked to be made of light…

"H…hello…" I said dumbly. I wanted to run, but I needed to say something, anything and my fear was mysteriously fading despite the danger I knew I was in.

For a brief moment, I thought he was going to answer me, but instead a low growl rumbled in his chest and he touched my face cautiously. A jolt of freezing electricity went through me and I gasped and fell back. In a flash, I was pinned between a tree and what felt to be a solid stone statue. His hands were around my wrists, gripping so hard that I knew he'd leave bruises but when I looked at his impossibly strong hands, I saw the tree had crumbled under his fingers.

I realized I was practically panting. I'd hyperventilate if I didn't calm down.

"What's your name now?" He muttered, burying his face in my hair and inhaling slowly. I was beyond confused, but he growled after a few seconds of silence.

"Bella…" I answered softly, breaking the paralysis my fear had instilled. The cold of his white skin cut through me to the bone and I shuddered, but he didn't let go, "who are you?"

His lips were pressed against my neck. I hadn't even seen him move his head. He wasn't smelling me anymore; in fact, he seemed to be holding his breath though I could still feel him growling against me. Between his animalistic sounds and wild eyes, I wondered if he'd react better to more primal communication. I tilted my head back slightly, exposing my neck to him. I'd read somewhere animals read that as nonthreatening, but he groaned in response in an unfamiliar way that made me blush.

"Don't do that." He said sternly, though there was an undertone of urgency, "keep talking to me."

"I…I would really like to know your name…"I reminded him softly and he let go of one of my hands, pulling back to look at me. Strange, his eyes were darker now… "And more about you…I've never seen anyone like you…"

"Jasper." He said curtly. I reached up gingerly, lightly touching his cheek. In a blur, his hand almost grabbed mine again and he jerked his head slightly, his eyes feral but restrained. He didn't seem used to being touched but he eventually relaxed a little and let my fingers graze his skin. His face was just as cold and unyielding as his hands…

"Jasper…" I repeated softly. The name felt so familiar, it held so much weight…fear, longing, sadness…but even so, I was happy to hear it, "nice to meet you…"


	4. Chapter Four

**Jasper’s POV**

" _Nice to meet you, Jasper…" She put away the kerchief, but she was still holding my hand._

I stared into her soft, brown eyes for a long moment. At first, she looked back curiously though the longer my icy stare rested on her, the more intimidated she became. Something about her fear of me…it both intrigued and disturbed me, despite this being the woman I had loved so much. It was starting to stir up sadistic tendencies that I'd been holding back for so long—Major Whitlock's tendencies.

"Nice to meet you, too."I murmured against her neck, mimicking my own memory. I struggled to ground myself, to separate her from her past self. She was so warm, so soft that I had to fight the urge to bite into her right then.

" _Do it. Bite her. Take her blood."_  The Major's mental voice was as strong as my own now, though even he wasn't hungry solely for her blood. I could see why they'd called her my singer; her rich blood seemed to be crying out for me from her veins and my throat seared in return. I lowered my face to her neck and inhaled deeply.

" _Jasper…" She sounded nervous but she held me closer and tilted her head back as I ran my tongue over the smooth, fragile skin of her neck. If only I'd know then that it'd never be safe to do that to her again._

"Jasper…" Her soft, worried voice almost snapped me out of it. I hadn't realized I'd been acting out my memories, too. She was struggling slightly against me, exuding confusion and concern.

"It's alright, darlin'…" I drawled darkly against her shoulder. Her skin was soft against my lips; just like I remembered and I couldn't make myself stop. I let go of her wrist so my hands could trail down her sides, keeping her pinned with my body. She shivered and arched involuntarily against me, making a small, almost frustrated noise. The friction she inadvertently created against my member was too much; the desire and need I had for her manifested physically I pressed it against her, needing more contact there. Her scent, watching her struggle like prey, and her sounds aroused me beyond control. Her body felt so small and vulnerable in my hands as I ran them all over her. She moaned softly, and despite the small tinge of lust she gave off, she sounded distressed.

" _Shhh…" I soothed._

"Stop it! Let go of me!" She finally cried, her voice octaves higher from terror and overstimulation, when my hand reached her inner thigh. I realized she'd been trying to claw at me with her nails, though I hadn't noticed.

This wasn't how I remembered. With a low growl, I held her tighter and using my gift, I grasped onto the small jolt of arousal I'd incited and amplified it to match my own. To my deep satisfaction, she melted in my grasp and moaned.

I smirked and finally reached up the nightgown she'd left herself vulnerable in. Fear returned to her aura, rolling off of her in waves, along with the arousal I'd sent her. I should have been disgusted with myself. Her fear was starting to excite me even more than it had before. It made the blood pump through her veins faster, her pulse increase. It drove me wild, like drums on the battlefield used to.

"Jasper…!" She breathed out once again, squirming as I forced a cold finger inside of her. She was so tight, and so hot it felt like she could almost scald me. Cruel intentions flashed through my mind as I realized she was so hot down there because her blood was pooling there. Her back arched both in response and in attempt to push me away as I lightly stroked at her with my thumb, spreading the gradually increasing moisture. My other hand explored her chest, roughly massaging her small, smooth, pert breasts. I splayed my hand across her chest for a moment, feeling her heartbeat and observing how small she was in comparison to me. Her movements started to resemble struggling again and I smirked at how she didn't realize how outmatched she was. I stopped my assault on her breasts and grabbed the tree over her head, sinking my fingers into it like clay. She gasped, stunned, and I growled again and moved my finger around inside of her. Her hands desperately grasped my shoulders to brace herself—she was getting wetter for me and when I caught the sweet scent of her arousal, I lost what was left of my control.

In a flash, I ripped her nightgown off and yanked her underwear away, leaving her completely exposed. She cried out, shocked and I crashed my lips against hers to silence her. If anyone heard us, came out to investigate…I'd have to kill them. Not that I'd have cared, but right now all I wanted to do was ravage this girl. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, completely overcoming her and nearly smothering her with my rough, insistent kiss.

_Kissing her had been unlike anything I imagined. She was eager, yielding, and so warm as she held herself to me, as close as physically possible and I was all too happy to reciprocate._

As I increased her lust for me, I felt her tongue weakly brush mine and I pulled back, smirking at her again before withdrawing my finger.

I leaned back enough to let her watch me remove my shirt. And she did watch me, both fear and wonder evident in her eyes and I flashed her a feral grin. Though it was out of sheer, sadistic anticipation it seemed to captivate her and in an instant I was back at her neck, moving against her as I undid my pants. I pressed against her core again, groaning at the heat. I look ridiculously large next to her and despite my rough handling of her, I didn't want to cause too much damage. It took all my restraint, but I pushed into her slowly. She tilted her head back, crying out softly when she felt the tip enter her ridiculously tight entrance. Her heart raced. Fear absolutely poured from her. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and I watched with fascination at the human display as I pushed myself completely inside of her. It was too much, too visceral; so much warmth and blood, too close, and she was so soft and fragile and  _so yielding_  despite how tight she was.

_Her moan was easily the most erotic thing I'd ever heard as I pushed into her, my hands on either side of her on the floor. Her back arched gracefully as I slid out of her experimentally, "More, Jasper…"_

"Brace yourself." I advised her coldly as I sent waves of calm towards her shaking form and I pulled almost completely out of her, achingly slow, and pushed back in. To my surprise, she was able to take my entire length into her; though it was obviously causing her discomfort as she gripped me in all senses of the word. But I couldn't be patient any longer. I slid out of her again, insistently, grunting my approval before thrusting back into her tight, smooth core. She began to squirm, finally becoming so overcome by the conflicting pain and pleasure that she couldn't hold still but I didn't relent; I couldn't.

"What's wrong?" My own voice was even lower, crueler than I thought and I realized with horror the Major had more or less taken over, "you don't like being fucked like this, Bella?" She made a small, frustrated cry in return but she shook her head even as her body pushed itself against me with need. My smirk grew as I magnified her building pleasure, and I taunted her again, "you sure about that?"

"Oh...oh, more Jasper..." She submitted quietly, gingerly trying to move her hips into my thrusts, feeling disgusted with herself for asking. I was far from disgusted and I thrust harder, faster into the tight heat she was offering me, growling to express my own building climax. I wanted to spill my venom all over and in her, I wanted more of her so badly even though I was taking her now, I felt somehow...unsatiated. She whimpered and dug her nails into my shoulders, and I caught the faint scent of her blood.

Her head lolled back and my vision went red.

**Bella's POV**

I finally gave in; there was nothing I could do against this beautiful but horrifying creature, whatever he was. Worst of all, I wanted this; he could probably tell by the way I clung to him, one arm around his neck and the other buried in his golden hair. His rough, painful thrusts were accompanied by jolts of white-hot pleasure so powerful that I almost forgot how cold and uncomfortably solid his body was, pressed against mine. His hands grasped my hips, rubbing circles with his thumbs as he pulled out. He may have been trying to soothe me, but I felt as if he would crush me with his strength before this was over.

He pushed his length back into me, hitting a strange spot that sent currents of sharp pain along with the warmth of my rapidly building climax through my body. My head swam, full of colors and incoherent thought, as my muscles spasmed around his member. The flood of my orgasm trailed down my thighs and I cried out his name one last time. He gave me another deep, masculine growl and I could feel him come deep inside of me. His seed was unnaturally cold and I gasped and arched my back, unable to keep still in his vice-like grip at the strange, tingling sensation that it left.

He continued to grind against my hips, but I couldn't process anymore physical sensation. I rested my head back against the tree, exhausted. My eyes still rested on his white and gold form; I was strangely...dazzled despite what he'd done to me. The sun was beginning to rise, coloring the sky pink through the dark canopy of the trees. The pastel light reflected off of his skin, and he looked like an angel, a human embodiment of  _aurora borealis._ I was only vaguely aware when his cold teeth suddenly sank into my neck.


	5. Chapter Five

**Jasper’s POV**

I couldn't see anything through the crimson that had fogged up my vision. I knew I had reached a powerful, thoroughly draining climax and then was aware that gore had flooded my mouth; sweet and rich and more fulfilling than anything I'd ever tasted. Except for maybe…

_She smelled too good to resist. Some last remnant of humanity, of rationality, screamed at me to stop but the adrenaline mixed with her maddening scent screamed louder and I tore into her throat._

' _Makes choking down animal blood for so long worth it...'_  I or the Major, I couldn't tell anymore, interrupted.

I fastened my lips around the wound and sucked harder, as hard as I could without ripping flesh from bone. My efforts were rewarded with so much of the blood that I could barely keep up with swallowing all of it, and a far off scream so beautiful that it would haunt me forever.

_Somehow, I didn't know how, I could feel her sorrow. Sorrow for herself, sorrow for her brother, but mostly sorrow for me._

My tongue darted out to retrieve what I'd missed. I let it circle the wound to lick the stray drops away from the smooth skin, but I never ceased drawing blood for more than a split second at a time.

_I'd learned on the battlefield while I was still human: there's a lot more blood in a person than you'd guess by looking._

The flow started to wane and I was slowly forced to come back to reality; a wild animal coming to his senses. I was surprised to first discover that for once, I was completely physically satisfied. The burn in my throat had subsided for now and there was a fulfilled, sated feeling in my groin that I recognized as the result of a particularly strong release. I began to realize where I was: the woods, behind the girl's house. At last, I detected a faint scent of something sweet, and I felt the silk of her skin under me. Once I could really see again, I looked.

Bella. She was still pinned between my body and the broken tree, perfectly still and limp. Worst of all, she was completely silent. No pulse, no breathing, and definitely no screaming; nothing. With one last groan I withdrew from her and pulled back to look at what I had done, deciding I should inspect the damage before the realizations sank all the way in; while I was still feeling the Major's cold detachment. Before the memories started coming back.

She was paler than I thought possible for a human, even a dead one, though some color remained in her cheeks and slightly bruised lips. She must have been biting them. As I pulled farther away for a better look, her hand slipped off of my shoulder. Without thinking, I caught it and gently laid it at her side on what was left of the tree. It seemed like it would have shattered if allowed to drop. Now she was even more fragile, and I just didn't know what to think of that yet.

_I killed her._  I thought with a cold finality _, If she were going to turn, her heart would still need to beat._

The wound on her neck wasn't as bad as I'd predicted. It glistened with my venom and I could smell that substance from deep within that bite mark. I couldn't help but admire my handiwork and all of her pale, smooth skin in this particular light. I'd fed from humans before, but it had never been quite like this. As beautiful as the sight was, my ability to feel remorse was returning. My mind, conditioned for strategy even after all these years, automatically calculated the repercussions of this. Now I just had to decide which consequences I even cared about.

First, I thought of the Cullens. I grimaced, but they would probably forgive me, if that was what I wanted. They'd apparently done the same for Emmett when he slipped up. Granted, to my knowledge he hadn't indulged quite like I had. They might even help me cover the tracks, though we'd have to leave. Had Alice seen this? Besides, I was particularly dangerous; the most skilled fighter. With human blood running through my veins again, they might consider me too dangerous to accept back, and a hopeless case for their 'vegetarian' lifestyle. They'd be right. After this, I knew I couldn't go back to hunting animals; not permanently. No, their acceptance was not necessary. But as I looked over Bella's lifeless figure, I knew I couldn't do this again. It sent painful jolts of...something through me that my calculating mind wouldn't let me process. Despite this, I was beginning to feel sane, grounded again. Alice and Esme had always said I was a gentleman deep down, and maybe they weren't completely wrong, because I suddenly felt that I should cover the poor girl. I gently lifted her body from the wreckage and searched for her clothing, but I'd ripped it to shreds. As I pulled my own clothes back on, I put my shirt on her, too. That covered her, at least.

As I handled her, I caught a faint sound coming from deep within her body. I grimaced in disbelief and lifted her to press my ear against her chest, hoping it was some activity in her heart. It wasn't, but it was just as perplexing and my brow furrowed. It was so faint that even I had to strain to hear it, but it was what I could best describe as a wet 'crawl'.

' _My venom must still be moving through somehow. Almost too slowly to comprehend.'_

Would that make a difference? I pulled back to look at her again but there were no outside signs that it would. Victims that were turning screamed, Carlisle being the only exception I knew of, and were still technically alive.

_The newborns, held down by my soldiers, screamed and thrashed as if they were possessed. They hurt themselves on the stone floor, clawed at themselves if they weren't restrained. I was disturbed at myself; I was beginning to find it amusing._

Bella was completely void of life, and the way I held her only highlighted that. Her head lolled back and her arms hung uselessly. Her hair nearly touched the ground, though the strands still held her wonderful scent. Her deep golden brown eyes would probably never open again of their own volition. At least they were closed. She almost looked peaceful.

_That horrible expression of terror was still on her face. I tried to close her eyes; to make it look as if she were sleeping but the evidence of what I'd done just wouldn't go away._

But I noticed that the decomposition process hadn't started. I'd seen, and created, enough dead humans myself to know that it began immediately and I knew all the signs too. Damn it. For once, I needed time to think. I suddenly remembered that she'd screamed and I saw that lights were beginning to shine through the windows of nearby houses, despite the fact that school and most of their jobs wouldn't start for a few more hours. I was used to making strategies, giving orders at a moment's notice but the one time I needed time, I didn't have it. I decide to make time. I did what I could, sending waves of calm and fatigue throughout the neighborhood as far as my ability could reach.

I held her in one arm effortlessly as I gathered the scraps of her clothing and tossed the shreds of the tree I'd damaged far back into the forest. I frowned disapprovingly. The damage was glaringly obvious to me, though I doubted any humans could perceive it. Stealthily, I crept across the back yard and slid the door back open silently; it didn't seem like Chief Swan had woken up. The door had been left unlocked, his car was still there, and there was no emotional or physical evidence of the panic that would be inevitable with the discovery of a missing daughter.

I followed her scent up stairs to where she'd left her still-unpacked luggage and assumed it was her bedroom. Relics from her childhood were scattered around and physical signs of her presence still lingered with varying intensities. I stepped over to her bed, tucking her under the covers and laying her on her side to cover my bite mark. The faint light that the sunrise cast through her windows could easily be taken for the cause of her paleness. It looked pretty convincing to just the eyes.

I sighed and sat down in the rocking chair across the room and watched her, listening to the barely-detectable flow of the venom. What the hell was I supposed to do? And what the hell was going on? I sighed again. Maybe I could take her to Carlisle. Even if they didn't want me back, they'd want to help this girl. They'd want to at least try to figure out what was going on, what might happen.

For a moment, Major Whitlock's strategic, cold nature won over again.

" _She has a car, an old and probably faulty one."_  My attention was brought to a set of keys on her dresser. I was disturbed that he had noticed something I hadn't. _"Take it, put her in it and wreck it somewhere. Set it on fire. With all my venom in her body, everything would go up in flames. Then we can wait for her to come back to us all over again…"_

" _No."_  I replied mentally, sternly. I had been disturbed, but not intimidated. At least he'd receded back into my mind for now. I'd have to learn to control him. Maybe I could even use him to my advantage.

The Chief's stirring from downstairs interrupted my thoughts and I growled in annoyance before I quickly stole into Bella's closet. Even after using my ability, I sensed that he had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, a worry that even he felt was irrational but couldn't ignore. He slowly made his way up the steps and to the door, opening it just a crack. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall as I waited for his mind to be put at ease. I knew he'd no real reason to suspect anything was wrong, and though his worry did subside, he lingered.

The sentiments he exuded surprised me. It was natural for humans to love their children, but this man's feelings for Bella rivaled Esme and Carlisle's love for their adopted children. Humans shouldn't be able to feel that strongly… There was so much pride, joy, and hope, that it made me realize how much I'd robbed this man of. He'd never gotten to be a father to his own girl properly, and he thought this was his chance.

Even after he left, I stood where I was for a few minutes. I didn't want my guilt to overcome me, it was so strong. It would get his attention if I didn't get a hold of it. Finally, I grimaced and stepped out of my hiding place and walked back to Bella's side, kneeling by her bed.

I had so many questions, and no way to answer them. Without thinking, I held her again and slid into the bed with her, pulling her onto my chest and holding her close. Even in her dead weight, she was as light as a feather and though it was fading, her warmth was soothing.

_Unless there was a force strong enough to stop me in this new form, I would never let go of her. I held her to my chest so I couldn't see her terrified expression, and I felt the last of her body heat fade away. I still kept her close._

_Eventually, that force showed up to take her away. Eventually, I knew that all I'd be left with was dust. I didn't let go, but she slipped through my fingers. I still did not move._

I thought over every single last detail of the night; especially the emotions she stirred in her father and me, and even to some extent the coldhearted Major Whitlock. He wanted her again even as he calculated burning her remains.

Right then I knew I had to have truly lost my mind. It was faint, enough for me to dismiss it as a hallucination or a product of wishful thinking, but I could still feel that pensive, wistful mood that I'd initially sensed in her in the room with me.


	6. Chapter Six

** Bella's POV **

I stood there in the quiet room, watching the preternaturally beautiful man hold the silent, pale girl. In faint light, they both looked unnatural to me. The whole room had been tainted with a sad, blue tinge. But, at the same time, it was sort of lovely. I somehow realized that I had been standing there for what seemed like a while...

_ What's going on...? What am I doing...? _

At that point, I wasn't even sure of what, let alone who, I was. I felt as if I were just a mind, if that; just a disembodied point of view. The only thing that obvious to me was that I had been here for some time, but was only just becoming vaguely aware of myself. I was not sure when I got here, when I'd become aware of myself or why. However, I now realized that I could observe what was happening here. First, I examined the young man; only he did not seem young at all. I felt as if I could see into him, perceive more than the physical form I was watching and right now, he was almost completely made up of despair and confusion, though he was being strong.

_ Two worlds played through his mind; parallel and overwhelming. Similar memories, almost identical, and too many for one mind to handle. They were gory and self sabotaging...I couldn't decipher them properly; they were foggy through the red cloud of lust and rage and need. He spiraled out of control, trying to gain control of himself but in the end it was useless and the red torrent of his insanity turned into a cold, monochrome nightmare. _

Maybe he could have prevented whatever was hurting them, whatever had made her so unresponsive and unmoving. But he had so much trouble doing so that he had succumbed to his instincts. I felt sorry for him, in a distant, uncommitted way. His remorse was almost tangible to me. He was unintentionally projecting it; though at the time I didn't see why that would be abnormal.

_ Can you see me, too? _  At the moment, it didn't make a difference to me whether he did or not; but sometimes he would look around, as if he knew someone was here. Once, he even stared straight in my direction; straight into me, I thought. But I could tell by the lack of recognition in his crimson eyes that he was just looking through me, and he grimaced subtly (though, I could tell the expression was significant to him—as evidenced by the stoic demeanor he usually kept) before looking away, back at the cold figure cradled in his arms.

Those red eyes regarded her with a strange, subtle sadness. I knew he was feeling so much more than he let on, even when he seemed to think he was alone. He stoked the girl's pale face with such regret in his handsome features. I felt marginally worse for him.

_ This had happened before…she'd gone from rosy, bright, and animate to cold, frail, and just as stark white as him; only she didn't move or feel or think anymore. She was gone, but he was still here. _

He had been tortured by a presence unheard and unnoticed by anyone other than himself, a living but intangible relic of the past. And somehow it had led all the way up to this sad embrace with the shell of a person he held tightly in his arms. I was reminded of something I read, a long time ago... what was it?

_ And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side _ __  
_Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,_  
_In the sepulchre there by the sea,_  
__In her tomb by the sounding sea.

I'd read it many times. I'd loved it, in fact…what was it?

My attention was stolen by a familiar voice, a voice that somehow promised reunion. Gentle, sweet...

_ "Bella..." _  She called. It was my grandmother. I wasn't sure of who I was then, but I recognized the voice of my grandmother better than I would have recognized my own.

_ "Sweetheart, it's time to go..." _ Her voice was so kind and loving; I'd missed it so much. I knew that, too. I wasn't exactly hearing her, but at the same time she wasn't only in my head. And while I could not see where she was leading me, I 'knew' where it was. I knew all I had to say was, 'yes, grandma,' and I would be there with her.

The blond man jerked just a little, as if in response to something. I briefly thought he'd heard my grandmother's voice. He froze and listened; yes, he could hear something I could not. But as the sun, smothered by gray clouds, peeked over the treetops I could assume the world was waking up.

_ Waking up without me... _

_ Please don't leave me behind... _

_ "Bella!" _ She called again, worried, as if sensing my moment of sadness.

_ Bella. So, that must be my name. _  I hadn't even wondered before she'd called me,  _My name is Bella and my grandmother is calling me, she wants me with her..._

_ What are their names? _ I wondered as I watched him spend a brief but profound moment regarding her, the way held her almost Pietà-style; but before I could process it, he was swiftly gathering things from a suitcase.  _You're quick..._ And more than just in physical speed _,_ I was fascinated by how instantaneously he could switch from sentimental to cold and serious.  _How are you doing that...?_

He snatched a small ring of keys that jingled in a pleasing way, there were feelings imbued in them and the sound they made…kindness, generosity, nostalgia… and I decided: I needed to know what was going on here, more about those feelings and this world I was about to leave. I even wanted to know how this story ended. I even cared, on some strange personal level, about what happened to this young man...

_ "Not yet, grandma..." _  I called back, and I followed him instead.

** Jasper's POV **

I lay where I was for the last couple of hours before the day started. The time flew by as I thought about Bella and what I had done; all the while straining to identify whatever this presence I felt around me was. When I heard the Chief stirring downstairs, I jerked back to the here and now and listened. _Son of a bitch! I lost track of time. How the hell could I lose track of time?_

Carefully, I stood up with Bella. Again, she caught my eye and not because of the disturbing image of her stillness and death. That wound on her neck, the one I left: it looked somewhat shallower and smaller. It was fading. Healing! As much as I wanted to mull that over, Bella's father was rolling over and threatening to drag himself out of bed. A quiet, annoyed growl formed deep in my chest and I quickly grabbed the keys the Major had pointed out to me and darted down the stairs. I didn't bother faking footsteps, since Bella probably would have been downstairs by now. I did make sure the sound of the door opening and closing rang through the house and took my time getting to what I could now tell was a 50's era Chevy. There was no time to check it out, though its apparent age intrigued me a little bit. I got in and carefully laid Bella in the back seat. I'd just have to avoid larger cars that could see into the cab of the truck.

' _Where are you even going?'_ It seemed I had an especially cynical side that decided to join the mental party. ' _There's nowhere to go.'_

But there was, the way I saw it. I'd go back to the Cullens, no matter what the consequences were, as long as I got help for Bella. Hell, I'd almost settle for just some answers or even one of Carlisle's usually accurate theories. Besides, I wasn't rejoining them or planning on staying any longer than I had to.

At the very least they could keep her hidden. My little ruse wouldn't last past this afternoon, until nightfall at the very best, depending on when Chief Swan got home. He'd be expecting her back at some point, obviously. But Carlisle was considered an upstanding citizen, and we never gave anyone any trouble.

' _Not until now_.'

Still, everyone could tell we were different. And the old Quileute was the Chief Swan's friend. He'd convince him that we were suspects. I smirked bitterly as the classic image of an angry mob; torches, pitchforks, and all marching towards the Cullen house flashed through my mind. That'd go over well.

I took the most remote roads that I could. My sense of hearing allowed me to avoid other cars. It also allowed me to detect that something wasn't right as I pulled into the small road leading to the Cullen house and parked behind the strange, modern structure.

The house was too quiet, even for a 'school' or work day. I could sense its emptiness from here, the only activity being Esme's somber concern in the air. She was the only one there. I knew the others wouldn't be returning.

I got out of the car, keeping my face blank. It wasn't hard. I was surprisingly unaffected by their apparent departure, and I wasn't afraid to face what I had done. Esme was cautious as she approached. I didn't hear her step out, but I could feel her apologetic stare on me as I took Bella out of the car. I wondered what her face would look like when I turned around, carrying a dead girl—a dead girl I murdered, no less—around like some kind of doll. Even though she probably already knew exactly what had happened, there was nothing like actually seeing one of Alice's more grim visions come to its conclusion.

It was like looking at a ghost. For a moment, I wasn't looking at Esme.

" _Jasper." I was trying to leave for the battle early, even for a soldier, before everyone woke up. Nothing could get past my mother, though. I'd said my goodbyes, made my arrangements just in case…But I couldn't watch my family huddle on the porch to see me off, looking at me and silently begging me not to go; projecting their sorrow and fear all the way to the battle field. I didn't want to bring it with me._

" _Please don't go." She'd changed her mind, "stay with us. I don't care if they think you're a deserter. Please don't…" She couldn't finish her sentence, choking on a stifled sob though I could see tears beginning to burn her eyes. I wonder if she somehow knew that she'd never see me again._

Her eyes, black from thirst and restlessness, no doubt, still held an apologetic sorrow. She felt like she'd failed me, and the girl. She looked down to Bella, broken looking and diminutive looking in only my shirt and stepped forward.

"Oh, Jasper…" She threw her arms around me—us, really—and sobbed. It was a strange, choked sound but I'd heard it before. I hadn't heard it from her, "I was hoping…I didn't think this would happen…I'm so sorry."

My face didn't change, but I felt guilty for having steeled myself for this. I wasn't sure exactly what she was talking about, but I knew I'd let her down.

" _I believe in you, Jasper. You'll do the right thing."_

She'd had faith in me and found out the hard way that it was gravely misplaced. Yet she blamed herself.

"Come with us…" She'd changed her mind, too. "We'll manage somehow…"

I shook my head, but I tried to ease her guilt and reassure her with my ability, "I can't go with you, Esme. If I'm not part of the Olympic Coven, you can't be held responsible for my actions."

"Carlisle and I will come check on you…once we get everyone safe." Even my gift couldn't completely ease her grief, "where will you go?"

"I don't know yet." Her attention was back on Bella, stroking her hair mournfully, "I'll find you, though, once everything settles down."

"But you won't stay with us." She stifled another broken cry. I wondered if I'd never see her again, too.

"No."

"I-If you change your mind…"

"I know, Esme. Thank you."

She held onto me again and cried for as long as my own mother had.


	7. Chapter Seven

** Bella's POV **

It was strange, almost unnatural, moving in this world. Even looking around was difficult to process, a dark and dreary blur of towering objects. I was no longer a physical creature, and seeing corporeal objects took focus; more focus than I had time to invest as suddenly the man I was determined to follow was moving at an incredible rate. Following him, at least, was not difficult. I only had to think to be with him and I was. Thankfully, his image was always clear to me.

I looked around as we traveled; though I was not looking at the physical matter we passed. Rather, I could see into them much like I had with the young man; almost all of them had feelings, memories, significance imbued into them. They manifested as colorful auras and prints, and I wished I could stop to read every single one of them. As much as I did not belong here, I was fascinated by this place.

Finally, we stopped in a place that was fairly untouched. The dark blur of the trees had few sentiments attached to them, no prints or auras denoting anything special. Once we'd settled, I could see a white home with faint, pastel images replaying the few memories attached to this house. It almost looked like a vague imitation of the living that other families had done in their homes. There was not much sentimental value here.

But there was in the woman waiting for the young man. She had a beautiful, golden aura though it was currently faded from grief and guilt and it approached slowly, cautiously; but mostly her movements were sluggish from sorrow.

I looked to him as he was getting out of the vehicle and drawing the still girl into his arms. I realized that I had not seen an aura around him and I searched for it. I found a faint, think glow exuding from him but it was too mottled by gray for me to identify the color or the feeling behind it…

"Oh, Jasper…" Her approach had been so quiet and graceful that I hadn't noticed she'd reached him. They seemed out of place as well…like they didn't truly belong to this world either, but here they were…

_ So his name is Jasper… _  It was hard for me to understand all that was being said, but I could catch the emotion, both said and unspoken. He was breaking her heart, but he wasn't happy about it either. It seemed to be for the best, and when she finally left I could see her aura growing slightly brighter as she remembered who she was returning to.

Jasper stood still for a long time, long enough for the large, bright sun to float up above the line of trees. I was shocked. The effect of the full sunrise on his skin was indescribable and for a moment I wondered if he'd suddenly become overjoyed. He looked like iridescent fire, like diamonds lit from within, but words don't do it justice. I desperately wanted to touch him, to find some way to make myself one with the beautiful light but before I had the chance, he went into the house.

I realized it was as empty as I imagined when we entered. It was almost sterile-looking in its hollow, white design. Jasper didn't seem to care. He saw something resting on an abandoned table and collected it; garments, a girl's outfit with dainty, kind little purple imprints on them. Someone, someone with a purple aura, had known what was going to happen and left clothes for the lifeless girl. He stared at them for a moment, stoic but I could sense some gratitude, before dressing her and tossing the large shirt he'd covered her with aside.

He sat down against a wall, pulling the girl onto his lap. She was paler than before…no, it wasn't that. She'd developed an aura of sorts herself? But it wasn't quite that, either and odder still, he didn't seem to notice. How strange…It was a faint, light glow but it seemed almost inviting, as if it were drawing me in somehow. I didn't know what to make of it atall.

His face was cold, serious as usual but his eyes showed deep thought and his aura was still a sad, hopeless ash. I moved to be near him and watched as he let the girl's head tilt back and stroked the shrinking wound on her neck. I wondered again what happened and tried to touch him. As a small, pale hand reached for him I realized I did have some sort of form, intangible and transparent, but there nonetheless. It almost had the same tint of light that the girl's body had. I wondered if it was a product of my own imagination, what I imagined I should look like within the limitations of this plane. It wasn't enough, though. My fingers slipped through him and again he did not see me. Still, I noticed his shoulders relax slightly and he sighed. Did I somehow soothe him?

_ Please talk to me _ , I pleaded silently, my loneliness getting the better of me,  _say something…_

" _Bella..."_  My grandmother was still calling for me...she was the only one speaking to me…

He did not. For a long time (I'll never be sure how long, because time was another element of this world I did not understand) he sat silent and slate with the small, white figure cradled in his arms. Again, reminiscent of something…

" _When they tried to detach the skeleton which he held in his embrace, he fell to dust."_

But finally, after the light had faded and returned once or twice, he did. He began speaking to the girl, though I was the one listening. I listened to his apology, grim and curt but sincere, followed by his explanation; a lack of control intensified by a horrid, violent past. He spoke of wars and torture and murder, of demons and pain and sorrow.

_ Gunshots rang out across the field, the smell of gunpowder and blood saturated the air. He tried to stop and gather up his injured friends, but he couldn't stop firing even for a moment or he'd be among them; a mess of blood and cries./ _

_ Maria's bright red eyes were mocking, contemptuous at the sight of him holding his love's remains, or rather remains thereof because she was all but dust by now. But her voice held an understanding, 'yes, I too know what it feels like to lose a mate. I know how to dull the pain.' The other vampire approached, 'you have to let the pain out, inflict it everywhere so some of it will leave you…'/ _

_ Never did he ever imagine he'd see something worse than the battles he'd killed through as a human; but when he saw the newborns ripping each other apart, lapping up what they could, and fervently lunging for more, he knew he was among true monsters./ _

_ He was a predator, running off of murderous instinct alone. Rage, hatred, and sorrow were all he knew and he made sure the rest of the world would know them, too. / _

_ He tried to brace himself against the pain, holding himself together as if this horrible stone form could fall apart at the seams from his anguish. He yelled out into the black night, his rage piercing the air for miles around, but nothing would bring her back; not all the wars and killing and lashing out in the world could ease his loss even after all these years. _

" _Bella!"_  My own past was trying to catch up at me. My heart twisted as I ignored my grandmother's pleas. It was getting more and more difficult to ignore her, but this time her voice had sounded strange…unnatural…it had an almost ominous undertone. I looked to Jasper, looking at him would distract me…

Sometimes, as he'd go into detail of something gruesome, his aura would tinge red but all in all, I noticed that as he spoke to her the stone color of his aura began to melt. It was calming him, letting an icy blue shine through. It was a blue reminiscent of the uniform he remembered he once wore, of the sky when his eyes were still human and she was lying beside him.

_ They lay together in the grass for a long time, hands entwined. He admired her, though all he could see was the top of her head as she rested against his chest. Her dark brown hair spilled over him and onto the grass and he was in awe over what had just happened. All he could do was smile and stroke the silk strands as the noon turned to twilight. _

He had so few memories of his human life, let alone nice ones. But the few soft, sweet memories of love and happiness (and, unfortunately the loss of them) were clearer than any of the numerous red memories of his vampire life.

I was in love with him.

That may seem dramatic, but in my state I was not bound by most limitations; I knew him so intimately and thoroughly and I was not weighed down by my own forgotten past or baggage. I hated my intangible state, powerless to do anything but watch him suffer. His sins seemed so insignificant now. No, I could truly say I was in love with him at that moment, scars and all.

** Jasper's POV **

_ God, how long have I been sitting here _ ? I thought I'd lost my mind when I was still feeling Bella's presence, but now that'd I'd sat here talking to her corpse for days I knew I had. And I was thirsty. My throat was starting to burn again, though Bella's blood had kept me satisfied for longer than most. Still, I didn't want to leave her body unguarded.

' _What's wrong? Worried someone's going to kill her?'_ The Major snickered from my head again. If there was a reason to go out and get blood, this bastard was it. The more my hunger grew, the stronger his voice became and his own thoughts were almost as prevalent as mine,  _"she really is beautiful though."_  He mused, admiring her still, broken form,  _"she would have made a good mate. But I like her this way, too…"_

I was disturbed, but not as much as I should have been. I focused instead on my own handiwork, the one thing I could trust to curb my salacious thoughts.

The wound was not healing as quickly as I wanted it to…even if it had, would it make a difference? Even if her body was healing, or even changing, she was dead nonetheless. Her body had actually changed a great deal, but more than three days had passed. Still, I knew venom could speed up healing for vampires and it was worth a shot. Carefully, I lifted her body up, cradling her head in one of my hands and leaned over to press my lips against her neck. My mouth watered, much to the Major's bemusement, and I ran my tongue over what was left of the bite marks.

" _Jasper…" She sounded nervous but she held me closer and tilted her head back as I ran my tongue over the smooth, fragile skin of her neck._

I shuddered and licked at the wound again, coating it in venom. There were faint traces of blood still there, and the action was just making all of my hungers stronger. I had to force myself to pull away. A deep, involuntary growl formed deep in my chest and I had to set Bella on the ground. I couldn't trust myself anymore. I needed to feed, and soon.

' _Do you really think that's going to help? Face it, Jasper, you're just a sick fuck._ '

It had to. At any rate, I had to do something. Once I'd calmed down, I picked Bella back up and brought her upstairs to my room. The Cullens had left my room intact; I could tell by the scents of my old keepsakes. I laid her on the couch for now.

"I'll be back soon, Bella," I muttered into her hair, kissing her forehead before stealing outside.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Bella's POV**

"I'll be back soon, Bella."

For a moment, I thought he'd addressed me and I felt a joyous but surprising electricity throughout my form but then he kissed the girl's forehead and…

Bella. He  _was_  talking to me. The dead girl...she was me...

I stayed frozen in place even as Jasper stole out of the room with his supernatural speed, reeling. My mind was spinning, all over the place...That girl was Bella, that girl was me...and Jasper had killed her. Jasper had killed me! I had thought, just days ago, that his sins were insignificant now, but it wasn't so simple when faced with the reality of the decision of forgiving him or not. I wanted to…but this had happened before…Could it happen again? Yes, he was remorseful and it tore him apart from the inside; but he seemed so self destructive, he might do it again if given the chance…but would there be a chance? Did any of this matter?

Memories flooded my mind, my personality pieced itself back together. Now I noticed that the body, my body, was glowing even more. I could step right back inside, I felt…

_"Bella..."_ My grandmother sounded sympathetic, but there was a hint of fear-no, worry-in her voice,  _"Bella, please...this isn't natural...sweetheart, you have to come to me or they'll come to take you where you're supposed to be…"_

It was so tempting. I was upset and I'd have loved nothing more than to run back into my grandmother's arms. But...something made me hesitate.

My body...it was different than what I was beginning to remember. Unmarred, becoming perfect somehow. But I hesitated to go back into my body, too.

No...if I went back now, something bad would happen, something that I could not handle. For some reason, I thought of Joan of Arc. That as she was being burned at the stake the angels took her from her body and spared her the pain... I felt like I was being spared that pain, too; though out of sheer dumb luck, coincidence, rather than something I'd earned through bravery.

But at the same time, I couldn't discount going to where my grandmother was. It seemed natural, the way things should have been. Staying would disrupt my fate in some way that I didn't quite understand, but almost grasped the importance of. It was as if I belonged in two places, but could only exist in one. I had to make a choice that almost no one was meant to make. I had to think.

It felt wrong to venture away from my body, but I looked towards the window at the strange mix of physical objects and colors out there. I didn't need a physical exit, but windows and doors was still a symbol that had been imbued into my conscience and memory. It reminded me…hadn't I always taken walks when I needed to think? Couldn't I still?

I floated through the thin glass and outside, hovering high above the ground that almost everything else I could see was bound to. It was a beautiful sight, once I adjusted to it, but I needed to relax, not exhilaration…Instead, I glided to the dark mass of trees and calm and let my feet touch the ground. Yes, this felt…somewhat familiar. Though the faint memories of my walks were warmer in both temperature and color, in a large expanse of beautiful sand and flowers...

As I walked, I found that the woods were both upsetting and soothing... it was so serene when I didn't have to worry about every little mortal danger that could lurk here. But it was also so full of life and things that I could no longer reach out and touch, things that only highlighted my lacking. Eventually, I came across a large tree that had several glowing prints of all different colors on its thick bark. I ran my hand down the tree; at least these, I could touch…

" _There." The boy said triumphantly. The pair couldn't have been more than thirteen, but the girl regarded him with a truly loving gaze as he finished carving their initials into the trunk. She stood from the blanket they'd brought and stepped closer to him, nervously gazing into his eyes before kissing him quickly and chastely on the lips. /_

_It was so very high up…he wondered if the fall alone could kill him. At least that would look like an accident. He'd heard that a hanged body did all sorts of unpleasant things, depending on how long it went undiscovered. But after some consideration, he decided that didn't matter. He wanted to die, and he wouldn't risk just mere injury. /_

_So high up in the tree, she felt like nothing could get her. She leaned against the trunk and looked out at the sun setting over the treetops. Her father was no doubt stumbling around the house, drunk, angry, and looking to take his anger out on her. But for now, she was bathed in the warm, dying light and she was safe…/_

I quickly pulled my hand away. These visions were too vivid, too emotional, and incompatible for me to handle then. The duality between myself and these woods became too much and I wanted out. I wandered aimlessly in search of an escape, and eventually I ventured into a road.

There were houses, and though a lot of people were asleep, some weren't. I could feel their presences, even see their auras, but I didn't exactly 'know' them like I did Jasper...

_Should I really be thinking of him still?_ I couldn't deny that there was a connection, and it seemed mutual despite the obstacles... Or maybe I was insane. Still, the more I thought about it, the more I was sure everything could be alright between Jasper and I. I could tell that he was truly sorry and that given half a chance, he'd do anything to atone. I knew he would never hurt me again, but at the same time rationality told me that I couldn't know for sure...

I was about to go back to be with him again, when a familiar house full of memories caught my eye. The auras and prints had a personal hue to their color and I couldn't help but venture closer. I hesitated, worried about being overcome by emotion again, but curiosity got the better of me and I slipped inside. Once in, I took a moment to adjust; I could feel a familiar but overwhelmingly sad presence...there was a connection there, too, though it was very much unlike the one I had to Jasper. And the house was dark, unnaturally so. The darkness in here was almost...heavy. Heavy and tainted by such bereavement that I doubted turning every light in the house on could drive it away. It seemed to permeate my immaterial form, overtaking me and saturating me with heartsickness that I think I may have stayed there forever, lingering in a horrible and anguished limbo, if a faint sound hadn't snapped me out of it.

It was almost difficult for me to move as the weight of the emotions bore down on me, but I pressed on. I was determined to see where all this was coming from, to help. My instincts and the occasional noise lead me to a room, a bed room. A man sat on the edge of his bed, his head hung and his face covered, muffling his quiet sobs. I stepped closer, gingerly, as my foot touched onto small, glowing spot beside the bed.

" _Daddy…" The child was small, maybe four years old, but I still recognized her as she shook the sleeping figure out of his slumber, "daddy…I had a nightmare…"_

" _Oh no," there was sleep in his voice as he stirred, but not impatience. He sat up and lifted the little girl to sit beside him on the bed, "what happened, honey?"_

_Charlie..._ I realized guiltily,  _Dad..._

Yes, this was my father, and he was crying because of me.

He choked out my name once, and I almost thought he was aware of my presence but again, I realized it was just lament. Just one word, but it expressed so much. He thought I'd run away...or worse, that I might have hurt myself somewhere. He thought I was miserable here, that I wanted to be away from him so badly that I would leave in any way I could, no matter how drastic. The lack of enthusiasm or appreciation I expressed when I arrived, the hurried way in which he thought I left days ago, without saying goodbye. Or maybe I'd been kidnapped...No matter what had happened to me, he thought he failed to protect me.

_"No, Dad..."_ I whispered, trying to embrace him, desperate for him to hear me,  _"I'm here...I love you, you didn't do anything wrong..."_ I pleaded with him. I pleaded  _to_  him, because my cries fell on deaf ears. I knew I hadn't always acted as I should...I had been ungrateful and miserable initially. But I hadn't realized what I had in Charlie, that I was being selfish, an attitude I'd learned from my histrionic mother. Everything was coming back to me, and I realized I had to stay. Not just for Jasper, but for Charlie, too.

" _Bella…"_ Her voice was faint now, while the voices of the people here were clearer…

_"Grandma, I need another chance...I need more time..."_  I resolved as I looked up from my one-sided embrace with Charlie. I was going to go back into my body, even if the pain hadn't subsided yet. I did want to say goodbye to her, though…and I loved her so much..

" _Bella…"_  My grandmother's voice was suddenly loud again, and the sinister undertone had returned. In fact, I was no longer sure it was her at all anymore. It sounded like a pale, twisted imitation of her voice played on a crackling, old phonograph. With all the familiarity melting away like wax…  _"Bella!"_

I found myself petrified where I was at the dark, staticy voice that still tried to imitate my grandmother. Something was materializing in the far corner of the room, something dark...no, it was beyond the absence of light. It was made up of some matter, or maybe anti-matter, that was not of this realm. Its blackness spread like ink in water, small and swirling tendrils crept across the walls and ceiling in a blind search. I knew I could not be hurt, but I was terrified. This entity would take me. It would take me away from Jasper and away from Charlie.

Even now, it feels surreal, like a child's nightmare; vivid and wild. I was powerless, trying desperately to cling to my father but being unable to even touch him. He only continued to sob quietly; unaware of my presence let alone the danger I was in. I watched in horror as the shape grew and rippled and it was very obvious to me what inspired the grim reaper myth, this thing's shapeless form flowed around like black, tattered cloth. But it was slow and timeless; it could chase me forever if it had to...

A sharp ring shattered the tension and snapped me out of it; reminding me, like an alarm, of what I had to do. I forced myself to my feet as Charlie blindly searched for the source of the noise: his phone. He composed himself as much as he could before uttering a low, 'hello' into it.

The old device belied nothing, the voice on the other end magnified so that even I could hear it.

"Charlie..." The voice on the other end was stifled, sympathetic and somehow fearful, "we found her."

**Jasper's POV**

The scents flooding the air when I stepped outside almost made me lose control. Being inside with just Bella, closed off from the rest of the world, had been a haven. But now that I had stepped out of it, my neglected hunger hit me all at once. It was a painful force and it caused my throat to ignite. Before I had realized, I was already lunging towards the woods, in the direction of the town, ready to rip apart whatever hapless person I came across first when a flash of red suddenly caught my eye. I grounded myself using every ounce of discipline the Cullens had managed to instill in me.

Bella's car. Yeah, I needed to get do something with that. Bella was no doubt being searched for, and I was damned lucky someone hadn't already spotted the clunky piece behind the house. I growled impatiently but I walked over to it, lifting the old vehicle and taking it into the woods. I maneuvered it around trees it couldn't be driven through and over rocky hills and rivers. I probably covered more distance carrying it than I could have driving it, until I found a remote semi-clearing to put it in. It was hidden in some dark, forbidden corner of the Olympic park. It'd have to do for now.

The sound and scent of water caught my attention. I hadn't spent enough time near the shores to learn to drown it out of my heightened senses. I focused, and along with the water I could hear the bustling, at least compared to Forks, city of Port Angeles. I headed there instinctively, drawn in by the sounds of human prey.

_What are you doing?_ Part of me asked, the small and all but vanished part of me that'd been conditioned to the Cullen's lifestyle,  _There are only people there...you wouldn't find any predators there..._

But I would. I growled in 'response' and the voice didn't say anything else, accepting defeat. Maybe some part of my really was was pissed at the Cullens for leaving with little concern for Bella, but that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from them. Edward's past, the concept of only feeding off of the worst of humans had always intrigued me. And while my gift was not foolproof at identifying people's natures, it helped and I had a knack. Not to mention, considering the part of the city I was in and the time of night it was, I could probably find a potential meal in just about anyone I came across.

I kept to the shadows, to alleyways. I was slinking around, mapping things out...truly hunting again. This corner of the city was dark, gritty. A fitting environment for something like me to find a meal. I scoffed humorlessly as I realized I would probably be looking for a human who was acting similarly. But I was right.

After memorizing the layout of this dingy section of Port Angeles, I stopped to initiate the second phase of my search. I let the scope of my ability widened, meditating on it a bit to push it to its limits, but my effort was worth it. I sensed fear, too intense for one human...there were two, and this fear was accompanied by disgust, confusion, and a lack of coherence that usually came with a life-threatening situation. Another human was projecting anger, but at the same time need and such a terrible predatory lust that it sickened me. It too similar to what I'd been feeling just a few days ago, though not as intense.

I snapped out of my trance, relying on my other senses. Yes, I could hear them. One girl's muffled cries and the other's alternating pleas and angered screams for him to leave the other one alone. I rushed over with inhuman speed, leaping onto the roof of a nearby building. I needed less than an instant to survey, to make sure this was exactly what it looked like.

The man was pinning a girl to the ground, a girl who even in her terror was more concerned for her friend as the other girl frantically shrieked at the man, attempting to pull him away from the pinned girl. I had to hand it to the curly haired would-be rescuer: she was being brave as she clawed at her friend's attacker. He growled and drew his hand back to strike her, but before he had a chance I leapt down too quickly for the girls to process more than a blur and jumped back up onto another roof before the disoriented man could realize that he should probably be struggling.

I smirked when he finally started to try to escape, swearing and screaming at me unintelligibly and I jumped onto a low building. I tossed him off of it and let him take the short fall to the asphalt, where I watched him as he scrambled to get up and run away, unintentionally tainting the air with traces of blood. I always liked to chase my prey. The taste of adrenaline was invigorating; especially this time, it was proof of a sadistic man being hunted down and killed like an animal. I dropped down behind him, giving him no choice but to go the way I wanted him to and grinned savagely, flashing my white teeth in the dark. He gasped and ran around a corner and I took my sweet time walking after him.

He backed into a dead end, just like in the movies, the cliché no doubt a product of a primal human fear of being trapped; an instinct probably cemented by creatures like me. It was times like this that I wished I had Edward's power so I could see myself through my victim's eyes.

_The newborns shrank away from me, despite being Maria's soldiers. Despite it not being their turn for me to throw them in the fire yet. The battle was over, and I tossed away the remains of the other side's general. Strange. Even Peter looked unnerved._

" _What is it?" My voice matched my twisted, amused smirk._

" _Your eyes…" One newborn finally spoke up, "they look like the fire…" /_

" _Oh Major…" Maria had called me into her quarters again. She often sought comfort in me, but she never got it. I don't know why she kept trying. I only looked her way with a grimace as she crawled a closer to me from her bed._

" _Have you heard the rumors about you, Major?" She spoke again, "that your real talent…they say your eyes turn to fire, that you can kill with just a stare."_

The criminal looked like he was about to die of fright. Maybe that was my real talent after all. Before his heart had time to give out, I was in front of him in a flash, grabbing his hair hard enough to tear it out, and I snapped his neck as he opened his mouth to scream.

Later I'd contemplate my actions, questioning if we killed before we fed to avoid the situation with Bella. I'd wonder if it happened before, or something like it. Maybe there were unspeakable consequences to changing a body when the soul, if there was such a thing, was gone.

But right then I had no thoughts, only the instincts that drove me to sink my teeth far into his neck and rip his skin and flesh away to expose the red, now-still artery I was looking for. I tossed the flesh away and assaulted the jugular. He was relatively lucky; I used to go for the heart. I wasn't holding back like I had with Bella, I heard veins collapsing as I drew blood with such force that it would be dragged all the way from the interrupted circulation in his legs. My strength tore his flesh from his bones with a satisfying shredding sound. His blood was nothing like Bella's, but it was still better than any animal's. The taste was strong, hearty. It nourished more than my body, the monstrous aspects of this horrible person in turn fed my own monster in a cannibalistic, satisfying sort of way.

It was over quickly. I was satiated again.

Hastily, I shredded the body as much as possible. It was disturbingly easy work, tearing him to tiny strips of tendon, muscle, and skin and grinding his bones to dust with my bare hands. The human blood had also restored my instinct for getting rid of human remains. With Bella and the Cullen's disappearance coinciding, I didn't want to draw any more suspicion with a dead body. I took a dive off of a nearby port once the city died down and buried the pieces in the mud under the water, far from the shores and allowed the swim wash the evidence off of me.

As livid as I was with the discovery, it was probably for the best at the time. With that sociopath's blood flowing through me, magnifying my own vices, there's no telling what I would have done. Especially considering I'd been left alone for so long, with only the corpse of my beloved for company. That sort of thing isn't good for the psyche.

But neither was hearing shouting and shuffling around coming from the direction of my house long before I'd reached it. A deep and familiar growl rumbled through my chest and the territorial instinct nearly took over. I almost dashed towards the house and destroyed every last son of a bitch who had trespassed onto my territory.

_That won't help. You don't need to hurt anyone. Just go get her and leave, or find out where they've taken her if need be and do the same thing._

Right. There was no real reason to hang around the Cullen's house. Bella was all that mattered. Slinking around the trees near the edge of the large clearing the house was built in, I looked around. There were police, as was to be expected, a retreating ambulance-' _bet_ that  _did a lot of good'-_ , crime scene tape, the works... I caught Bella's faint scent, mostly blown away by the wind, lingering outside.  _They've taken her away_. I felt the anger rising again but quickly reminded myself to suck it up.

_The ambulance_. It didn't make much sense to me, but maybe they were using it to bring her to the morgue. They didn't have its lights on.  _Good. If Bella was going to wake up, screaming, she must not have yet._  If there was a specific car used for bringing bodies to the morgue, Forks was probably too small to have one. It was my best lead to finding Bella.

Stifling my violent instincts, I ran after the retreating vehicle and kept to the dark trees.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Bella's POV**

Jasper was gone…willing myself to him would not bring me back to my body, to where I should have been. I'd have to get away myself, find my own way back. But even then, after hearing what the man on the other end of the phone said…I wasn't even sure where my body was. Regardless, it was clear that I had to get out of here now. I flew out of Charlie's room as quickly as I could, towards the house, far away from my father and the dark trees, seeming even darker now, praying that I was going the right way.

_Please,_  I begged, hoping to see the at least the bright, hollow aura of Jasper's house. I strained my focus, my 'sight', for the faint glow my body had given off, the only place I'd be safe from…

It rose behind me. I didn't need to look to see it, its dark, immaterial reach searching for me just out of the corner of my vision. Its cold presence tainted the air all around it, permeating my incorporeal form. It almost had a hold of me. Its influence shook me to the core, started to drain me of hope or any of the feelings keeping me here.

" _Bella!"_  My grandmother called once more, offering to save me. More than ever I wanted to go to her, to wish myself to her side and be safe…

And suddenly I could see her in the distance. She was far ahead, shining almost the way Jasper had in the sunlight; and though she looked more like she did in the oldest photographs of herself in her old photo album than the little old lady from my memories, I knew for certain who she was. Her aura was as golden as the lady who'd cried for Jasper, and her voice was sweet and melodic. She looked like an angel, glowing, her dark hair flowing all around her, and reaching out to me, offering safety; the opposite of this horrible entity chasing me. Desperate, I moved towards her as fast as I could, reaching for her hand.

The being in front of me was not my grandmother. Again, I had fallen for an intricate and cruel illusion. Just as I was about to grasp her fingers, I realized. The long, dark hair flowing around her body was as absent of light as the creature's billowing form, and the black, inky tendrils were flowing from her eyes and from under her fingernails as she offered me her otherwise delicate looking hand. A terrifying grin split her face in half, and more darkness leaked and twisted out from between the hundreds of white teeth. I tried to scream, to withdraw my hand but she—it—grabbed it before I could.

I don't remember exactly how it felt to die the first time, and for that I'd thought I was lucky. Up until then. Murky, obsidian coils curled around and throughout me, overtaking me completely. Ice crept through my form and stabbed me in what felt like my heart, sending unbearable pain through me, freezing and constricting me from the inside. Worse, I was being drained of emotion, memory, thought, just everything. Soon I would be nothing; nonexistent. My vision didn't fade so much as the world around me turned black. Little by little, ink clouded my vision and even the sun rising in the distance was drained away. And I let it, neutral to what was happening; no longer caring what happened to me, my grandmother, or Charlie, or…

There was still one more thing I could see, prismatic and more brilliant than anything else. Especially in this darkness, its beauty was incomparable and losing sight of everything and even losing my existence was just about worth catching a glimpse of the shining being, however far away it was. The colors were both rich and gleaming; reminding me of delicate pinpricks of stars, white expanses of sand, blue moons, roses in the desert, sunsets, and sunrises all at once. I was almost content to be taken over after seeing this luminosity, but suddenly one more memory came to mind.

Jasper! My mind and will was suddenly revived and I screamed. Perhaps it was my immaterial form, or the limbo and in-between state of existence I was being dragged into, but my screech pierced the darkness. As if startled, the dark matter's grasp on me loosened and withdrew; suddenly the pure black was just a murky fog. I had weakened it somehow, perhaps with my show of emotion or resistance. I could vaguely see the world it was trying to take me away from through the dark mist.

I didn't hesitate. I flew as fast as I could away while it was still stunned and took a chance, willing myself to Jasper…

**Jasper's POV**

The ambulance was too easy to keep up with. In fact, it was infuriatingly slow compared to me and I was losing patience fast. Every second, the driver took the risk of me grabbing the vehicle, tearing a hole through it, and stealing Bella away. And I'd have to snap his neck just for being a witness. Worse, the moron wasn't even going to most direct route to the hospital.

' _Why should he rush? She's dead.'_  I was almost relieved to hear the Major taunting me again. He'd been conspicuously absent during my violent feeding—something I would have thought he'd want to be present for—and I was worried we'd merged without my meaning to.

Annoyed, I tried to sense what the idiot driver, the sole person in the ambulance, was feeling. Maybe there was a decent cause for this delay. He was nervous, excited, conflicted…what was the matter with him? Did he know Bella? I could feel the Major's amusement and anger bubbling up. He knew something I did not.

" _What is it?"_  I demanded mentally.

" _Are you that dense,_ Hale?" He practically spat the alias I'd used.  _"Do something."_

His words made me belligerent and I growled, turning my attention back to the vehicle as it slowed to a stop and pulled into a large, abandoned trail in the woods. The driver was trying to calm himself down as he unfastened the seatbelt. I could hear him clumsily making his way towards the back of the car. The growl in my chest deepened. I couldn't think of any good reason he should be approaching my Bella, but this could be my golden opportunity to take her without him seeing me. I stealthily made my way over to the cab, setting my hand on the back latch, and that's when I sensed it—lust.

" _Now do you understand, Hale? What, sick thoughts only alright when you think them?"_  He was trying to mock me, but the Major sounded as enraged as I was. We could both hear the bastard touching her face, and the Major snarled as he spoke,  _"you'd better do something!"_

" _I think this is a job for both of us."_

I let my anger take hold and I dug my nails into the metal like it was fabric and ripped the door off of its hinges. The human's lust turned into shocked fear as I flung the scrapped metal aside and jumped up into the ambulance. I grabbed the stunned driver by his shirt and snarled in his face slowly, relishing his attempts to cry out, to scream for help.

I threw him against the far wall of the cab. He hit the thin sheet of metal with a sharp clang and dropped to the floor, groaning and dizzy. A quick glance around brought my attention to a camera in the top corner and I grabbed it, watching the disbelief in his eyes as I crumpled it as easily as if it were paper. I approached him slowly and grabbed the top of his head, forcing him to look up at me. I should have felt sorry for him, the sheer terror I could see and feel should have inspired some kind of mercy. But all I could focus on was the perverse lust he'd shown towards my mate while she was helpless and the traces of her scent he didn't deserve to have on him. With a quick, satisfying twist, I snapped his neck.

"…Jasper?" Now it was my turn to be stunned. Her voice was melodious, soprano and soft but not unlike her human sound; a jarring end punctuation to the horrible cracking sound his broken spine had made.

I heard her bare feet lightly touch the ground as she got up, drawing closer—probably because of the human's scent. Finally, I turned around to look at her.

Her hair was longer, and flowed rather than hung past her waist. It was darker, though it had a strange but beautiful golden-red shine where the light caught it. She looked taller, lither and her skin was paler than I'd ever seen it, threatening to burst into colorful light as the sun tried to peek in through the broken car. She took another step towards me with haunting grace, even for a vampire; her dark, crimson eyes were settled on me though they were starting to drift towards the crumpled human. I grabbed her by the chin gently to direct her attention back towards me. I wanted to look at her for as long as I could, unconvinced she wasn't some kind of apparition or illusion.

She stared back at me for a long moment before suddenly pulling away, growling slightly and she instantaneously found herself on the other side of the cramped vehicle; stunned by her own speed.

"Bella." I used my ability to keep her calm and the stern voice I'd used with newborns before. Her eyes darted to the dead man, then to me once more.

"Don't…" She was conflicted. I could sense that she had a deep attraction to me, that she wanted nothing more than to come to me—except, maybe to feed—but she didn't trust me. I couldn't blame her. I decided to sweeten the deal a little and I reached down, grabbing the limp body of the driver. Her eyes widened as she thought I was taking her prey and she stiffened, but I reached a hand out towards her.

"Come here, darlin'."

I savored the feeling of her pressed against me, and even if it was out of necessity she still leaned her head on my chest. Even the sunlight seemed brighter. For once I appreciated it; everything, really. It was like becoming a vampire all over again, dying and coming back to life one more time. I'd gained better senses, and a higher capacity for pride, happiness; everything. Unfortunately, I also gained higher capability for remorse, regret for what I'd done to my mate. But hell, I'm not one to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

I smirked as I carried her through the woods, barely restraining her with one arm as she shook. She'd gotten some blood on her clothes and it was proving a little too tempting, even though she'd just gorged herself. I'd have to show her how to eat more efficiently. She sighed a bit, actually feeling somewhat secure in my arms even if I was subduing her.

"I'll show you how to get rid of this thing." I told her, gesturing towards the body I was dragging behind me. It wasn't difficult; she'd really drained the little fucker. Her eyes nervously darted to him, but she was too hungry to be disturbed. I covered her nose as I caught the faint sounds of search parties in the distance, "I'll show you everything about being a vampire, alright darlin'?"

She nodded, at least agreeing to that. She did seem disoriented, even for a newborn; but I'd have forever to ask why, to ask what she'd experienced during that week. I'd have forever to be her sire, and convince her I could be more. For now, I'd let her rest; to get her bearings. There was a pull between us, like gravity. I knew we were mates and she'd someday understand it, too. I'd give her as long as she needed— _Maybe,_  the Major growled—I'd just have to learn to control my need for her. And as much as I hated to see her go through the hunger and frenzy of being a newborn, experiencing this bloodlust might help her understand my actions. I had a strange feeling she already understood more than I thought possible. Besides, I had forever to explain, and to make it up to her by protecting and providing.

"Jasper…" She finally spoke up again, my attention instantly honed in on her sweet voice, "where are we going…?"

"Where ever you want to, darlin'."


	10. Epilogue

**Bella’s POV**

Even though that danger had long since passed, I still looked for any dark-void creatures materializing in the corners as I quietly stepped through Charlie's home. I'd had my work cut out for me. My poor father had left sad, dark, and deep stains of grief throughout the home. I knelt down at each one and brushed it away, ignoring the flashes of anguish each one stirred in me. Just outside, Jasper was using his gift to keep the sadness at bay; not to mention to keep me calm as I listened to Charlie's quiet, shallow breaths. I frowned, hearing that he was not sleeping well.

Though he'd said my gift was not as dramatic as some, Jasper thought it was very profound and unique. I'd kept my ability to see auras—even ones left behind when memories were made—and could even manipulate them. I thought it fitting. I'd always been fond of colors, and I was very nostalgic; always lost in memories and daydreams…I was not sure how sensitive Charlie would be to these, but I would never rest knowing I could clear them away. Just in case.

Finally, I made my way into the last room, taking caution not to wake him just yet. I swept away the

deep blue aura by the phone—the memory created when he'd gotten the news of my body's discovery—and a few others that dangerous or gloomy tones. There was a soft, white one near the bed. I smiled.

" _Daddy…" I don't remember what I'd been dreaming, but it still didn't quite feel over yet, "daddy…I had a nightmare…"_

" _Oh no," Charlie's fatherly voice was sympathetic—indulgent, even, despite the fatigue, "what happened, honey?"_

" _I don't remember, but…I feel scared still…" He picked me up and sat me down beside him._

" _Well, you don't have to feel scared anymore, Bells. It was just a dream, and it's all over now." He smiled at me. My dad always had the most wonderful smile._

I wanted to see the rest, the part where he sang to me and told me stories all night until I fell back to sleep, but something a little more important caught my attention.

"Bella…?" Charlie's voice was filled with disbelief, but his aura brightened slightly; cautious to get too hopeful.

"Yeah, dad. It's me." I smiled at him and his face only expressed more disbelief. I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Bella…you're…"

"I'm fine dad." I rested my hand on his arm through the blanket so he wouldn't feel the chill of my skin, "I promise…I'm fine, and nothing's ever going to happen to me again."

"But they found you…you were…"

I shook my head and I watched his deep brown eyes—so much like mine had been—study every tiny detail; the way my hair swayed with the gesture, every blink, and the unnecessary breaths that were all just too real for an apparition; even one you'd been hoping for weeks to see.

"I'm better than I've ever been, Dad."

Finally, his strong, earthy-green aura turned into a healthy color that reminded me of the forest he'd chosen to live in. But then again, it was not the color of the dreary trees of Forks; more like the sort of woods that fairy tales took place in—magical forests.

"But you have to go."

"I'm not dead, Dad." I chuckled a little, "I'll come back. Soon. As soon as I can." The aura brightened still and finally, his smile matched mine. I felt Jasper's presence stir as he used his gift on Charlie, magnifying his happiness and content until he became sleepy again. My father laid back down, relaxing the way he deserved to. Once he was calm and near enough to sleep for the chill of my kiss not to disturb him, I left him with a kiss to the forehead; just like the one he'd given me at the end of the bright memory I'd been reading. As I got up, I noticed another bright aura had formed right beside it.

"I love you, Dad."

**Jasper's POV**

Outside of the car, the landscape got increasingly drier and warmer in every sense of the word. We were getting closer to Nevada, on our way to Arizona. I wasn't too enthusiastic to moving to a region of the country I'd once terrorized, and as Peter eloquently put it, keeping hidden there would be 'a bitch'; but Bella's heart was there and maybe her love for the desert could help me see it with new eyes. Anything that made her happy could not upset me.

' _Plus!'_   _Peter had also said_ ,  _'you can wear that cowboy hat around and no one would look at you funny! Come on, I know you still have it!'_

"It's not  _that_  bad." Even now, Peter was on my side, even if he was treating the matter like I'd slapped her on the ass or something. Of course, I hadn't quite told them everything, "that's just how vampire mating goes. Just kind of uh, harsh if you try it on a human I guess."

"Yeah right," Charlotte snorted, "human or not if you'd tried that with me, I'd have ripped your dick off and left it somewhere for you to find.

"There's an idea." Bella mumbled from the passenger's seat, but I smirked knowing she didn't mean it.

Peter winced, "aw, babe, come on! I thought you loved little Pete-"

I gave him an amused but authoritative look from the rearview mirror, "we don't want to hear it,  _Commander_."

He gave me a lopsided grin from the backseat. It was very Emmett-like.

"You be angry with him as long as you need to Bella. We can gang up on him if you want." Charlotte offered.

"Oh shit." Peter grinned, "maybe they'll run off together, and we'll get a little girl on girl action."

Charlotte smirked, "now how would you 'get action' if we ran off together?"

I shook my head at the pair, but I was glad we were with them now. Peter and Charlotte had already given us a lot of good advice about being mates—should Bella accept me that way—, and for returning to the standard vampire diet in these modern times, though Bella wasn't sure about that yet, either. Yeah, they would definitely be invaluable, when Peter wasn't being an idiot, anyway; but I couldn't deny I was glad to see my old friend so happy and carefree after all he'd been through. Maybe someday he could say the same for me.

I was already well on my way to that. Bella closed her eyes, leaned on me, and sighed contentedly against my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her, and she didn't protest.

It was the dead of night, and we were almost there. Peter and Charlotte had settled down in the backseat, not sleeping, obviously but they had calmed into a similar, restful state; eyes closed and oblivious to anything but each other.

Bella opened her eyes and sat up, looking through the window at the desert outside. I felt a huge swell of emotion from her; something happy but overwhelmingly heartrending at the same time.

"What is it?"

"Nothing…It's just…" I understood. Her new senses and emotional capacity had overwhelmed her upon seeing her home. I reached over and easily pulled her onto my lap.

"You alright, darlin'?"

She nodded, and smiled just a little. It was a good thing I was used to my senses, because the sight may have been too much for me too. I felt her lean on my chest and watched her admire the stars and the landscape outside, feeling much more secure against me. I kissed the top of her head as I kept my eyes on the road ahead. She still had that warmth to her scent, the one imbued with desert flowers and sun.

Yeah, I could get used to the desert again.

 


End file.
